i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's blow job season.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
