I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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