the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
