Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
