there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
