We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
