Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
