Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
