I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
