i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
