There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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