went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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