She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
