Your mouth is God's brothel.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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