god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
