He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sext me about skeletons
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
