the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My ass is underappreciated
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
