Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
