You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
