She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
