Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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