I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
