Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
