why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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