Apparently you make a good broom.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
