Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
