So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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