I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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