I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
