She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
