i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
