Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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