Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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