Nicole vs. Life
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
