I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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