i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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