i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
