I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
