Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
