I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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