she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
