It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so that wasnt chicken after all
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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