Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
