Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
