This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
