i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
