It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
