Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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