I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
