whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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