Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Randomize
