Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
