I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
