at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
