Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
