so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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