I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
