i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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