He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
