we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
