so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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