Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
