i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
