just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
