Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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