I didn't shave. On purpose
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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