Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
