is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
