there's paper in my vomit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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