You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize