i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
