hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
