So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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