We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ketchup is God's man juice
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
