The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We got so high we made milksteak
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
