my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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