What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
