my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
