I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
