I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
