remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
