so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
