Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
