omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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