i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You took a bar mat shot.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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