If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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